Materialism
- My daughters are in middle school. I don’t know if this is because of where we live, but they have become extremely label conscious. One daughter insists on buying only certain brands of jeans that are incredibly over-priced, and the other feels the same way about her accessories. When I suggest more reasonable alternatives, they both act as if they couldn’t possibly be seen wearing anything else! I know other parents who are upset about this materialism, too. What can we do about it?
Many girls in middle school become conspicuous consumers, much to their parents’ chagrin. However, it’s possible to get through these years without losing your mind—or your life savings. It is helpful to understand what drives this materialism. Three things, actually. The first is adolescence, which is all about figuring out an identity and forming a self-image. At this stage, girls’ top priorities are typically looking cool and fitting in enough that they are socially accepted. The alternative, in their minds, is being isolated—or, worse, a social pariah. This goal is mainly accomplished by how they look, the most visible indicator of adopting desirable norms. In some ways, it’s almost as if girls aspire to wear the uniform of the day.
The second factor that drives materialism is marketing, an industry that capitalizes on teen peer pressure by targeting young people and encouraging their loyalty to certain prestige brands. These days, we also have a third source: social media influencers further indoctrinate impressionable tweens and teens in what is considered on trend—and perhaps what enable them to achieve the fame of individuals with millions of followers.
Every form of media promises that certain items will make teens all the rage, irresistible, and self-confident. How else would advertisers get girls, in particular, to spend billion dollars a year on make-up and skin care products? So, if your daughter is desperate to own certain things, it is not completely her fault. This materialism may not reflect over-entitlement. She may have been convinced that purchases are the route to her happiness and success.
Of course, one of the main problems with this issue—besides financial constraints—is that girls are encouraged to define themselves by external emblems of success such as material possessions rather than by more enduring assets such as their character, ambitions, interests, and achievement. Teens may grow up with the belief that peers judge them by what they have—and don’t have—rather than by who they are. Sadly, a typical middle school student might be convinced that her integrity, hard work, loyalty, and sense of humor mean nothing unless she is wearing the “right” jeans or sneakers. Here are some ways to address this:
- To provide perspective and make a real difference in your daughter’s sense of herself, it is important to avoid sounding moralistic. You can empathize with her age-appropriate desire to be accepted while also setting reasonable limits on her trendy purchases. Encourage fiscal responsibility by giving her a budget for clothes and accessories so that she learns to make judicious choices.
- If must-have items are beyond what you consider reasonable, suggest that she make up the difference with birthday money, babysitting proceeds, or odd jobs around the house. Saving and working for coveted items will, over time, teach her the value of money.
- Educate teens and tweens to be savvy media consumers. Teach them to identify both overt and more subtle messages of all kinds of media. What are ads trying to get them to think—and to buy? That way, they may become more resilient to manipulation and more skilled at identifying the products that they truly like, think they really need, and can afford.