While most teens and tweens look forward to the lazy days of summer as a welcome respite from the relentless demands of school, only some can entertain themselves. For others, the thought of entire days and weeks with nothing to do can seem daunting or even overwhelming. Parents who fear that these teens and tweens will be terribly unhappy or get into trouble are tempted to rescue them from boredom. But down time can be seen as a wonderful, potentially productive and instructive opportunity.
It is psychologically healthy to learn to tolerate boredom and become comfortable in one’s own company. But some teens and tweens unconsciously stay overly busy during the school year as a way of avoiding thoughts and feelings that make them anxious or uneasy. So used to hectic schedules and never-ending to-do lists, summer is a rare chance to learn about themselves by getting in touch with their inner lives and perhaps discovering new internal resources they can rely upon in the future.
With this in mind, before each summer parents have to figure out what is best for teens or tweens. Involve them in discussions about summer plans—and the earlier the better to avoid them becoming frustrated, discouraged, or lonely. What does your daughter want to do? Are there sports or activities that interest her? What events is she looking forward to? Is she concerned about being bored? Brainstorm together to create a list of fun things she might do, both by herself and with others. By enlisting her input, you are encouraging her to develop planning and problem-solving skills. She might even do some research online or in a local newspaper to find out about opportunities.
Although there is much to be said for down time, it is usually best to break up long summer days with some structure, even for an hour or two. That is why many parents continue music lessons or sign up girls for swimming or art classes, Red Cross babysitting certification, lifeguard training, or sports camps. Your daughter can also consider volunteering her time in the community to feel good about her contribution or gain skills for a future job. Maybe she can find jobs in the neighborhood, which will give her a sense of responsibility and satisfaction along with the pride of earning her own money. You might also give her extra household jobs chores that she can save up for something she wants.
Although many young teens are capable of staying by themselves for short periods of time, spending entire days alone is probably unadvisable. Since this age group feels too old for babysitters, consider either trading off days with other families or hiring an appealing college student to serve as both chauffeur and “buddy” sitter. You may want to relax guidelines about screen time, but prevent teens and tweens from becoming all-consumed that they are not getting a good balance of healthy, outdoor activities and exercise.
Summer can be an ideal time to start a project or new hobby, such as learning to sew or skateboard, starting an online business, or redecorating her bedroom. Down time facilitates thinking, dreaming, and using one’s imagination. Your daughter might nurture her creative interests into cartooning or writing poetry or plays. She might tap into her strengths and inventiveness by coming up with a new school club or starting a charity. Many a teen has found a whole new world—and possibly a career—awaiting her after she plays around with a camera or guitar one summer.
Although teens typically are not elated by the idea, summer is also a chance to maintain or catch up on academic skills. Your daughter might benefit from meeting with a tutor once a week to reinforce elusive concepts, doing a reading enrichment course, or just getting a head start on the books she will be assigned next fall. Both of you (as well as siblings) can read the same book to discuss it together as a family book club. Most of all, as you all relax this summer without the stress of homework assignments and pressure-filled school year schedules, you may rediscover the silliness and fun that makes your time together so special.