Have you had the experience of speaking, when suddenly someone interrupts or talks over you? It happens. And when it keeps happening, it’s problematic. At the very least, it’s frustrating to have people stepping on our words. It breaks our train of thought and prevents us from effectively communicating. But beyond that, many women tell me that being interrupted erodes their confidence. They get the sense that what they are saying doesn’t matter—or, worse, that they don’t matter.
Self-doubt can make us stay quieter triggering a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we start to believe that what we have to say isn’t that interesting or valuable, it’ll become that much harder to speak up. When we remain silent, though, people don’t get to hear or relate to what we say. We miss out on the experience of connecting to others around shared—or even conflicting—idea. We don’t get the validation that we need. In our silence, our minds can turn to negative comparisons with more confident or articulate people, furthering our sense of inadequacy.
Many times, this pattern starts in childhood. Young women tell me about growing up as the only girl among many loud brothers, never finding their voice, or being raised by parents who subscribed to the notion that little girls should be seen, but not heard. Others have described older siblings who monopolized dinner conversations or regularly mocked whatever they said. Sadly, there are some women who, as family scapegoats, always felt less than as a result of mistreatment. Unless this issue is addressed, it can reemerge in adult relationships, recreating similar patterns and distress.
The first step is acknowledging your right to speak and to be heard—courteously, and without interruption. The second is to assert such desires in a way that feels comfortable. What many women want to blurt out is, “Stop interrupting me!” or “Why do you always cut me off?” but fear being accusatory or aggressive. Depending on the situation (e.g., whether others are present), you may have several good strategies available. But it’s always perfectly fine to say, “Excuse me, I’d just like to finish my thought…” This sends an important message to others: You are a confident woman who commands courtesy and respect. It’s also a good reminder to yourself.