Anyone who has worked with families during or after divorces knows that co-parenting is usually challenging. Whatever disagreements and tensions existed before—and possibly contributed to—the decision to separate and divorce typically play out and even intensify when exes try to communicate to make joint decisions about what is best for their kids.
When parental communication breaks down, as it often does, even daily routines are derailed—not to mention resolutions of truly momentous, controversial issues. In my experience, when parents are not on the same page with everyday matters (e.g., weekly visitation schedules, school events, after-school activities, doctor appointments, etc.), teens and tweens pay the price. Along with having a front-row seat to inevitable parental accusations and recriminations, teens and tweens in therapy talk about having to deal with confusion and mixed messages about where they are supposed to be and when, who is giving them rides, and so forth. Those who are used as pawns, put in the middle of their parents, and asked to serve as mediators or messengers, especially suffer. The burden is emotionally overwhelming and harmful to their well being.
Even when mothers and fathers try to shield kids from contentiousness, they always know what is going on. For all these reasons, to spare them from the ugly fallout of divorce, it’s vital to co-parent as effectively and peaceably as possible.
Apps may not be a panacea, but they can help. Many are designed by lawyers, advocates, and mental health professionals specifically to facilitate effective parental communication. This is a great start. When there is a system that lets both parents stay informed, there is less chance of last-minute schedule changes, crossed signals, or crises triggered by spite. Apps can also promote civility, which benefits all family members, by detecting and monitoring swear words and hostility in text messages. Here is a resource to get you started: