A Quick Tip to Reduce Your Teen’s Social Anxiety
Whereas some adolescents easily strike up conversations with strangers, classmates standing next to them on the cafeteria line, and the barista at the local coffee shop, others are terribly apprehensive at the mere thought of having to talk to people they don’t know well. Although the reasons for social anxiety may be unclear, it causes many teens to shut down in—or completely avoid—situations that make them self-conscious or tongue-tied. While escape is an effective coping strategy, the price of reducing fears is often teens’ lives becoming ever smaller.
As a parent, it may be heartbreaking to see her miss out on the social experiences that you know could give her the validating and supportive peer connections she craves. But what can you do? She’s too old to arrange play dates for her. And if you’ve tried to suggest that she call a particular friend or invite someone to watch a video, you’ve undoubtedly seen firsthand how teens reflexively eschew and resent parental advice.
So why not address the core problem: feelings of uneasiness and insecurity in social situations? Share your own experiences of contemplating an event and thinking, “What am I going to talk about?” or “What if there’s an awkward silence?” or “What if I embarrass myself by saying something really stupid?” This will resonate with your teen, who surely has experienced the snowballing effect of self-consciousness, social anxiety, and plummeting self-esteem. Point out that with this internal torture, her facial expression and body language telegraph to others that she isn’t approachable. This vicious circle robs her of a chance to practice conversing and gain confidence.
Explain to your teen that the key to feeling more socially relaxed may be quite simple: Getting out of her own head. Instead of dwelling on her insecurities, she might focus on getting to know better the people around her (who probably feel just as unsure of themselves). As if she were a reporter writing a brief article, she might ask questions to find out more about others. Listening carefully to responses is crucial. Your daughter might hear something interesting, funny, or relatable. Before long, she might even surprise herself by finding that while she momentarily forgot to be self-conscious, she slipped into an enjoyable conversation with someone she never imagined speaking to.